You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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