We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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