Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
