So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The Olympian is in my bed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
