If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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