Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
