k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
