why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
