: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
