i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
