I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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