That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
