ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
