The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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