I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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