Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Too much gin, very little bucket
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
