I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
