Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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