Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
