aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
