I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The Olympian is in my bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
