in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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