I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
