Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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