dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
