Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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