I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
