its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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