I showed him my bush... on skype.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
