is your mom at the bar?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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