how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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