People in love make me want to vomit
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Houston, we have a blender
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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