goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
