I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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