There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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