Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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