Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
