she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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