u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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