is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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