cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
