Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
