he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
