My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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