my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
