remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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