I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
