His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
