Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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