Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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