that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
