She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
