no, he came in my armpit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
