Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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