No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
