i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
